HOW SHE CHANGED HER FUTURE FOR THE BETTER
When did you move to Oakland?
We built our ‘retirement’ home in Oakland in 2000 and loved how it turned out. It was different, a smaller home on one level designed for a couple who were downsizing. The floor plan was based on the California ‘open concept’ style which we discovered during our winters in the desert. Our architect created an elegant home which had high ceilings, lots of windows and a refreshing, eye-appealing interior openness not seen yet on the East Coast at that time.
Bring us up to speed now. Tell us what changed?
Eighteen years into our residency, my husband began to feel strange symptoms in his legs and upper body. Slowly his limbs and hands were affected to the point we needed a home aide to help out. Lots of handicap features were installed to help him move about. Then in January 2022, things began to unravel. He became very ill. Eventually, it became necessary to bring him to a care facility where he would be taken care of 24 hours a day. Suddenly, I was living alone with the weight and responsibility of running a home and our finances. I also made it my priority to be with my husband every day to help with his lunch and dinner. I struggled to learn and keep up with things during the long winter months. I started to resent the amount of time and expense it took to run the house with only one person in it.
Managing a home can become more difficult when you are retired and especially for one person. Difficult decisions need to be made while you are still able to make a change. Realizing that things were becoming more difficult, what was your next move?
I began to look around for alternatives. A small house or a single apartment somewhere? Neither seemed like the solution. A friend told me about the opening of a very nice place for independent people in Wyckoff. I looked at it and others not quite as nice. Weeks of thinking, calculating the cost and a lot of soul-searching followed. Was I to move or to stay? How much could I get for our home; could I possibly empty the house of its contents, handle the move and not neglect my husband? How long could we afford the cost of care for my husband and a new place to live for me? How do you calculate all the unknowns?
On a friend’s advice, I made an appointment with a respected firm of attorneys who practice elder law. I provided all the figures, explained our situation and our goals. The attorney showed compassion for my doubts and nervousness, but suggested that the law allowed for older persons to form trusts to avoid running out of money due to health expenses. She explained that because we had sufficient investments and a good retirement income, we could afford to sell the house and combine the proceeds with some of our investments into a trust. With our income and the fact that we had purchased insurance years ago to cover part of the expenses of my husband’s care, I could achieve the care-free, independent living I wanted, provide for my husband’s care and protect us from insolvency should we outlive our lifesavings. I thought it over and said yes to the independent living in Wyckoff.
Tell us about your selling experience since you did not have your husband to assist you along every step of the way.
In September I chose a realtor I could work with who, when he came to see the house said, “There are no comparable homes like this house. It’s one of a kind.” I was selling in the end of the high market when the Fed had just announced that interest rates would be aggressively adjusted upward. This weighed heavily on my mind because it might take a long time to find a buyer. I worried we would not get our price. The whole process of inspections and production of documents combined with my fear of losing a potential buyer because they could not get a mortgage paralyzed me. I dreaded waiting through the winter for someone to buy my home.
Did your home sell quickly?
The realtor posted an amazing, professionally done video of the house in September. Within 24 hours we had a cash offer for almost the whole asking price! We had found a perfect buyer who needed a home on one level with improvements for a handicapped person and who intended to buy with cash, thereby avoiding the time it would take to qualify for a mortgage at escalating interest rates.
Was packing a challenge for you?
There followed six long weeks of packing. I left my heart in many of the 143 boxes of treasures I gave away to charity. I gave away large pieces of furniture to some young owners of Oakland homes. The Vietnam Vets and Ditto got lots of treasures that would benefit their charities. I found a way to move heavy objects for charitable pickups using my elegant tea cart and the handicap ramp in the garage. I had dear friends who offered to pack dishes, glasses, small appliances, etc., to be given away, leaving a small number of furnishings I was taking. Of course, my sons and my husband offered help and support at every turn. Wow! It sounds like you had a great support system of family and friends that helped!
How are you doing now?
In the end, I have moved to a lovely apartment high on a hill with a balcony that overlooks the entire Ramapo Valley up to New York State. Most importantly, my grandchildren love my new home! The ambiance and look of the place are exhilarating and makes me feel energized. There are things to do and friendly, interesting people to meet. Distance-wise, I am closer to my husband for our lunches and dinners.
Do you have any advice for anyone going through a similar situation?
My husband and my sons guided me with their very best advice and support throughout. Looking back, I do wonder how I got through the whole tedious and anxiety-producing process. The encouragement and support from my family gave me the confidence I needed to plow through this enormous undertaking. My strong desire to change my situation for the better was the fuel to being successful. I’m very grateful and, yes, proud of myself that I was able to carry it out. Life dishes out hardship just as it gives us gifts. We must never give up the hope that things can be better. So, good-bye Oakland. You have been good to us.
Terri, we will miss you here in Oakland! All the best to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story with us!
Edited by Kerri Sirinides: Oakland Newsletter Committee Chair